I’m a Scorpio and I used to be really proud to be this astrological sign because it is known as “The Sex Sign” of the zodiac system. I thought being a sexy sign was powerful because it would make me more desirable and loveable.

As a teenager my mom used to quote Queen’s hit song, “Another One Bites The Dust” because I would dump a guy as soon as he gave me any love. I also became obsessed with chasing guys who were absolutely emotionally unavailable.

My core belief system was, love is getting someone to do what I want. Love is being told I am beautiful and sexy. Love is someone wanting my body.  I didn’t have a healthy foundation about the meaning of love. I didn’t have guidance about how to recognize the difference between a healthy loving relationship and toxic love.

When it came to love, my thoughts were insane at times. After one date with a guy who was aloof and playing games with me, I was hooked. I wanted him to want me. I was obsessed with winning him over. I couldn’t focus on getting anything else done. I would talk on the phone for hours with whoever would listen in my circle of friends to my latest love drama.

When I hear someone say, “There’s no good guys out there, they’re all taken,” I have to disagree. I believe there is someone out there for everyone. You have to first believe that it is possible for you to meet someone. If you can’t believe yet because you’ve been so hurt or betrayed in past relationships, that’s okay because there is another attitude you can practice…surrender.

When I was 32-years-old, I was financially broke and heart broken. I watched the movie “13 Going On 30″ with the intention of checking out from my reality because I had a lot of self-loathing and feelings of shame. I cried my eyes out when I saw Jennifer Garner and Mark Ruffalo’s characters get together and live happily ever after because my life felt so far from having that experience.

I got down on my hands and knees and as I wailed, tears streaming down my cheeks said, “God, why not me? I want to meet my husband.”

I heard a voice in my head say, “You’re not committed.” I felt angry. Why did that inner voice say that, it just wasn’t true? That night when I went to sleep, I reflected on this intuition (inner teacher). Something clicked at a cellular level as I surrendered to being a know it all and wanting to do things my way. I had been committed to uncommitted people because I was scared of opening my heart, falling in love and being abandoned.

I carried deep shame for years that I proposed to a guy because I didn’t think I was worthy of true love. After he said yes, I gave him $5 to buy me an engagement ring. I remember showing off the ring but feeling sick inside. I needed to do a love detox. I didn’t know where to start. If you have gone through many toxic relationships or are in one now, I urge you not to hide from your feelings. When I was in denial, I went financially broke because my spirit was broken.

I finally decided to commit to love. I didn’t know how it would show up in my life but I was willing. A couple of weeks later I met my husband Nick. He told me that he had gone to church and told God he was ready to meet his wife. We met in a small theater in Hollywood, CA doing a sketch comedy show.

Here are 3 Love Detox Tools:

#1 Write a list of all your past dates, lovers and relationships that you can remember?

Next to each name, write why you were with that person, what was your motivation for being with them?

#2 Go through your list of names and label each one with “I ended the relationship” or “They ended the relationship”. For 10 minutes write a stream of consciousness of what pattern you see around your love path.

#3 Complete this exercise with giving thanks for the lesson you learned with each person on the list. Until you can take responsibility for your part, you will not be able to let go.

Be gentle and kind to yourself. You don’t purge years of toxic love in 15 minutes but if you take 5 minutes each day to focus on letting go of your toxic love story, miracles can happen!

Love & Miracles,

Joanna Garzilli

xo xo xo

Joanna Garzilli is author of The Big Miracle Breakthrough 90 Day Program and Unleash The Psychic In You: How To Trust Your Intuition for Successful Decision Making. She was most recently on Fox News, sharing how to use your intuition for online dating. In two years, she went from being massively in debt, unemployed and having a series of failed relationships to creating a successful TV show, happily married with a beautiful son, with a thriving multiple six-figures business. Check out her websites at http://JoannaGarzilli.com and http://BigMiracleBreakthrough.com

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It’s Valentine’s Day and the pressure is on to have the perfect day filled with love.

This can lead to impulse purchases because of not wanting to face feelings of low self esteem. Women often hit the mall for new clothes or a spa package and men drop several hundred dollars on a fancy dinner or purchase jewelry they can’t afford to buy someone’s love.

My first negative memory of Valentine’s Day was dreading going to school and being asked, “How many Valentine’s cards did you get?”

I’d got one card and it was from my mom, signed anonymously. I rationalized in my head that I didn’t recognize the writing and that it might be from an admirer but who was I kidding?

I got off the bus and each step closer I took towards my school with the cold London wind blowing in my face, the more insecure I felt.

While my teenage classmates of mine cooed and laughed over how many cards they got and brought in teddy bears and flowers from their boyfriends, I sat at my desk in the corner.

When I was 19 years old, I finally had a boyfriend on Valentine’s Day and he wanted to take me out to dinner, woo hoo! I felt like an animal in a zoo. The exclusive Italian restaurant in Notting Hill was packed with couples. While the waiters ran around trying to keep up with the rush, we got neglected and he spent a lot of money on the bill. I thought because he took me out for a posh dinner that was a sign I was loved, problem was I didn’t love this guy, in fact I wasn’t really attracted to him, truth is, I didn’t want to be alone on Valentine’s Day.

When I was 26 years old, I had a boyfriend and he loved me except he was broke and I supported him financially. I was determined now that “I’d found LOVE” to have a wonderful Valentine’s Day. I bought us First Class tickets to fly from London to LA, I booked a very expensive villa at the exclusive Two Bunch Palms resort in Desert Hot Springs where George Clooney, Leonardo Di Caprio stayed and the movie The Player had that steamy lovemaking scene. I was determined to have a good time. On the surface it all looked good, but a couple of days later and thousands of dollars gone from my bank account, I didn’t feel any better. I felt like a Game Show Host, turning love on for the camera.

Today I’m happily married with a son. My husband took my hand. We smiled at each other and both said “Happy Valentine’s Day”. “I love you,” I said and I meant it. “I love you to,” he said and squeezed my hand reassuringly.

My dread of Valentine’s Day has gone. It’s been a long journey to get here.

I used to be so tied up in believing I was loved if I received cards, chocolates, flowers, stuffed teddy bears, jewelry and vacations.

Here are 3 Ways to Express Love on Valentine’s Day without going into emotional or financial debt:

Step #1: Write a list of your fears about Valentine’s Day.

For example: I don’t have a date, I won’t get any cards, I’ve got to have a good time etc. Set a timer for 5 minutes and don’t stop until the alarm sounds.

Step #2: Listen to Your Heart.

Close your eyes and bring your awareness into your heart. What are you feeling in your body when you think about Valentine’s Day?

For example: dread, pressure, old hurt from a past relationship.

Take some deep breaths into your heart and visualize those feelings releasing from your heart.

Step #3: Think Before You Spend.

Before you say, “yes” to going on date with someone or drop a load of cash on someone because you’re in denial about your true feelings, write down why you are taking that action.

For example: My client Stacy, wanted to text her boyfriend Jim and surprise him with a romantic dinner at her favorite restaurant. The problem, Stacy was secretly resentful and wanted Jim to take the initiative. Do you think Stacy should go ahead and make the surprise booking?

My suggestion to Stacy: tell her boyfriend that she’d love him to do something romantic on Valentine’s Day and then let it go. Either he’s going to surprise her or he isn’t. Whatever he does or doesn’t do, Stacy can get clear about if her needs are being met in the relationship.

I’ve helped my clients remove the blocks so that they can find love and given them the solutions to fix broken relationships. Perhaps you need to leave a relationship but you don’t feel ready, I learned that lesson the hard way and it plunged me into massive debt because I ignored my intuition instead of trusting it. That full story is in Unleash The Psychic In You: How To Trust Your Intuition for Successful Decision Making.

Why do one out of two marriages fail? Why are there so many gorgeous talented people who are still single? Why do you believe that you can’t have the type of love you believed was possible when you saw Disney movies as a kid?

You can take advantage of healing your heart and getting beneath the surface of what’s holding you back from experiencing true love. If you feel ready to leave behind the emotional baggage of your past and want to create a new story around love, please email: Joanna@AmericasIntuitionCoach.com and write: “Love Life” in the subject line.

CLICK HERE to watch my dating expert advice on Fox 5 San Diego Morning New: how you can spot the red flags of online dating by using your intuition.