10 Ways to Overcome Failure
Friday, October 3rd, 2008If you were to perceive failure at an energetic level, as pure energy, think quantum physicists looking at failure under a microscope; what does failure look like?
Is failure scoring poorly on your SATs? Or do you think financial debt makes you a failure? Do you look at the wealth and lifestyle of Bill Gates or Paris Hilton and feel ever so slightly inadequate?
It’s hard not to compare ourselves to others because it’s our natural instinct to do so.
Failure doesn’t have to be so black and white yet most people see themselves as a success or a failure.
It gets very painful when you keep holding yourself in a place of failure when in fact you are successful.
Here’s a fly on the wall at a Monday morning chat around the ad agency water cooler:
“Did you hear Jenny got the promotion to Head of Media Sales?” Dan said.
“Really?” Paul said.
“Yeah, she won the Smith account bringing in an extra $50,000 a year for the company and she gets a $10,000 bonus,” Dan said.
“She’s doing big things for the company,” Paul said, doing his best to ignore his feelings of inadequacy.
“Rumor has it three people about to be let go of at the end of the week,” Dan said.
“Any names mentioned,” Paul said, obviously fishing to make sure his name wasn’t in the mix.
“It’ll be the execs with the lowest sales, out, no exceptions by management,” Dan said.
“Oh,” Paul said, acting cool on the outside. Inside his head spun out of control as he tried to calculate his sales. Would he be out of a job?
Paul had worked for the agency for ten years now. What would he tell the wife and kids? Small Christmas gifts. No money for the trip to his wife’s parents. He imagined how she would freak out when told this yearly tradition would be broken. Perhaps she would want a divorce? Paul felt small and weak, like a true failure.
Who and what determines that you are a failure?
A media sales exec at Saatchi & Saatchi would consider $50,000 in ad sales a pathetic performance. On the other hand, a cashier at a local food mart would consider $50,000 an amazing success.
I felt like a great failure for most of my life. I struggled to acknowledge my achievements. Even when I did experience success, I couldn’t enjoy it because I was so critical of my results. People would pat me on the back yet I remained depressed. Can you relate?
First, I invite you to take a look at several different meanings of FAILURE. Study them well. Can you see yourself in any of the descriptions?
Dictionary.com Unabridged (v 1.1)
FAILURE-noun
- an act or instance of failing or proving unsuccessful; lack of success: His effort ended in failure. The campaign was a failure
- nonperformance of something due, required, or expected: a failure to do what one has promised; a failure to appear.
- a subnormal quantity or quality; an insufficiency: the failure of crops.
- deterioration or decay, esp. of vigor, strength, etc.: The failure of her health made retirement necessary.
- a condition of being bankrupt by reason of insolvency.
- a becoming insolvent or bankrupt: the failure of a bank.
- a person or thing that proves unsuccessful: He is a failure in his career. The cake is a failure.
Even if a failure is in the past, it can still affect your energy and your experience of life. That can be extremely draining. I’m all for being optimistic and upbeat. However if there’s a ghost in the room, you’ll be scared to go there and that will keep you from getting what you want in life.
Here are 10 ways you can overcome that awful feeling of failure now.
# 1 Face failure. It takes so much energy to pretend your failures didn’t exist, hurt you or matter. When you acknowledge your failure, its power diminishes.
# 2 Write down your failures. Get a blank piece of paper and draw a line down the middle. In the left column, write the heading “Failure” and in the right column “Success.” First list all your failures followed by your successes.
# 3 Evaluate your beliefs about failure. Become aware of your mental thoughts about failure. Are these thoughts yours? Or did someone else criticize you and you took ownership of that belief?
# 4 Observe how these failures make you feel. Can you pinpoint where you feel a specific failure in your body? Has it manifested as a bad back, depression, laziness, recurring headaches?
# 5 You are not your failure or success. Having $2,000,000 in the bank doesn’t make you a success or a failure. Failure and success are relative. You are not your failure and you are not your success. You are you.
# 6 Change your perception of failure. As long as you see yourself as a failure, you will be because you will project that energy and attract circumstances to validate this belief. If you learn from your failure and do things differently next time, you have not failed.
#7 Stop living in the past. Every time you think about a past failure, it lowers your energy vibration and impedes the good things that are coming to you right now.
# 8 It doesn’t matter what other people think. When you worry about someone else’s opinion, you step outside of your circle of power. This creates feelings of fear, anxiety, low self esteem, etc. That is not your natural state of magnificence.
# 9 Get over rejection now! You’ve already failed when you take no action. The worst thing someone can do is say, “No,” and most of the time it’s not personal; even if it seems it or feels it. It truly isn’t about you.
# 10 Check in with your true feelings often. Being sensitive is a good thing. Allow yourself to feel. Don’t behave like a machine on autopilot rushing through your day or switch off your feelings. Take several moments in the day to breath. This will connect you to your heart and soul and detach you from being swayed by the downturn of failure and upswing of success. You will remain neutral and at peace when you apply these steps.
