I’m a Scorpio and I used to be really proud to be this astrological sign because it is known as “The Sex Sign” of the zodiac system. I thought being a sexy sign was powerful because it would make me more desirable and loveable.
As a teenager my mom used to quote Queen’s hit song, “Another One Bites The Dust” because I would dump a guy as soon as he gave me any love. I also became obsessed with chasing guys who were absolutely emotionally unavailable.
My core belief system was, love is getting someone to do what I want. Love is being told I am beautiful and sexy. Love is someone wanting my body. I didn’t have a healthy foundation about the meaning of love. I didn’t have guidance about how to recognize the difference between a healthy loving relationship and toxic love.
When it came to love, my thoughts were insane at times. After one date with a guy who was aloof and playing games with me, I was hooked. I wanted him to want me. I was obsessed with winning him over. I couldn’t focus on getting anything else done. I would talk on the phone for hours with whoever would listen in my circle of friends to my latest love drama.
When I hear someone say, “There’s no good guys out there, they’re all taken,” I have to disagree. I believe there is someone out there for everyone. You have to first believe that it is possible for you to meet someone. If you can’t believe yet because you’ve been so hurt or betrayed in past relationships, that’s okay because there is another attitude you can practice…surrender.
When I was 32-years-old, I was financially broke and heart broken. I watched the movie “13 Going On 30″ with the intention of checking out from my reality because I had a lot of self-loathing and feelings of shame. I cried my eyes out when I saw Jennifer Garner and Mark Ruffalo’s characters get together and live happily ever after because my life felt so far from having that experience.
I got down on my hands and knees and as I wailed, tears streaming down my cheeks said, “God, why not me? I want to meet my husband.”
I heard a voice in my head say, “You’re not committed.” I felt angry. Why did that inner voice say that, it just wasn’t true? That night when I went to sleep, I reflected on this intuition (inner teacher). Something clicked at a cellular level as I surrendered to being a know it all and wanting to do things my way. I had been committed to uncommitted people because I was scared of opening my heart, falling in love and being abandoned.
I carried deep shame for years that I proposed to a guy because I didn’t think I was worthy of true love. After he said yes, I gave him $5 to buy me an engagement ring. I remember showing off the ring but feeling sick inside. I needed to do a love detox. I didn’t know where to start. If you have gone through many toxic relationships or are in one now, I urge you not to hide from your feelings. When I was in denial, I went financially broke because my spirit was broken.
I finally decided to commit to love. I didn’t know how it would show up in my life but I was willing. A couple of weeks later I met my husband Nick. He told me that he had gone to church and told God he was ready to meet his wife. We met in a small theater in Hollywood, CA doing a sketch comedy show.
Here are 3 Love Detox Tools:
#1 Write a list of all your past dates, lovers and relationships that you can remember?
Next to each name, write why you were with that person, what was your motivation for being with them?
#2 Go through your list of names and label each one with “I ended the relationship” or “They ended the relationship”. For 10 minutes write a stream of consciousness of what pattern you see around your love path.
#3 Complete this exercise with giving thanks for the lesson you learned with each person on the list. Until you can take responsibility for your part, you will not be able to let go.
Be gentle and kind to yourself. You don’t purge years of toxic love in 15 minutes but if you take 5 minutes each day to focus on letting go of your toxic love story, miracles can happen!
Love & Miracles,
xo xo xo
Joanna Garzilli is author of The Big Miracle Breakthrough 90 Day Program and Unleash The Psychic In You: How To Trust Your Intuition for Successful Decision Making. She was most recently on Fox News, sharing how to use your intuition for online dating. In two years, she went from being massively in debt, unemployed and having a series of failed relationships to creating a successful TV show, happily married with a beautiful son, with a thriving multiple six-figures business. Check out her websites at http://JoannaGarzilli.com and http://BigMiracleBreakthrough.com
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